my rude iWatch

I have come to the conclusion that my iwatch and I are frenemies.

Maybe it knows that I don’t think it is a good pedometer?

Maybe it is vexed that I constantly let it run out of power?

Maybe it is actually possessed by a minor daemon that at best is passive aggressive?

 

First of all, I have plenty of good things to say about the iWatch.  It is stylish, it is waterproof, it keeps time very well, I like seeing my text messages blip onto my wrist.  It is extremely handy for finding my phone because the ‘ping’ feature will make the phone make a noise even if it is on silent and I can track it down.  I’m constantly leaving my phone in interesting places because women’s clothing does not have pockets.  I also love being able to answer my phone via watch because of the aforementioned lack of keeping track of the actual phone.  Plenty of good, plenty really, just a few little things that point to passive-aggressive wrist daemon.

  1. This all started with is ‘suggesting’ that I get up, as in, I’ve been sitting too long.  I really do not sit long in my days, constantly getting up for something is my normal, so I actually get the also annoying message “good job! you stood up!” about 6x a day.
  2. Reminding me randomly that I’ve some time in the past done more walking/standing/workout by this time.  This would not really be annoying except for the fact that it seems seriously random.  It is NOT a good pedometer, I have not hit 10k steps while wearing it nearly ever when I would routinely get 10k steps in a smaller house and working out less frequently.  I’m ok with it not being good at that but it should just drop the pretense.
  3. It tells me to ‘calm down’.  You know the theory that nobody ever actually calms down for being told to…  well if my heart rate spikes it suggests “I spend a few minutes breathing deeply”.  I did not ask for this feature!  (BTW, excellent heart rate monitor).  So I’m mad about something and then my watch buzzes telling me I’m mad at something, how is this helpful?

This was my list that was on the annoying side but like an understanding friend, I just let the quirks roll off my back.  Sometime in the past week, two new charming features started up;

First, when a text comes in you have the option to reply via watch with some pre-canned options, an emoji, or, a little writing screen.  I’ve used it, it is useful, but this past week it started auto texting back “no” all by itself.  I swear I didn’t touch it, I read it, but didn’t touch the screen but then a moment later get a reply from my friend acknowledging my dissent.  this happened 3 times so far.  my friends are understanding and I can quickly reply that the real answer is XYZ and even if it includes a negative, I’m much nicer than a 1-word answer BUT MY WATCH IS NOT.

The next thing I probably have something to do with.  I activated the sleep tracker to see how I’m sleeping.  It was something I loved on the Fitbit and I miss the data.  Somehow this watch is very confused because it reports to me that I sleep very soundly about 15 hours a day; from 7am until 10pm.  This is when I’m AWAKE and you should know that watch because you are constantly congratulating me on standing up.  How does it think I am sleeping soundly (ie not moving/low heart rate) when I’m also working out and walking and generally, you know, moving?  I’m turning this bit of rudeness off, it is like telling me “yawn, you did nothing, you might as well have been asleep…”  Rude watch! I’m doing what I can!

Somehow I still put it on every day and since a friend gave me a stand for it (that I love!) I’ve gotten 99% better at charging it regardless of our differences.  I’ll keep using it because the good does outweigh the bad.  Seriously though, I already have sassy children, I don’t need the watch chiming in.

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