Grief diagram

To each of us our grief is very real.  Yesterday a very good friend I have known for the majority of my life was suddenly and instantly killed.  She is survived by her husband, who, already lost one wife to cancer and had to wake up today to know that he has lost his second.  Ashley regularly read here and we talked often.  She kept in step with my life and I called her my fairy godmother because she kept my happiness as one of her missions.  My Facebook is absolutely a flood of people touched by Ashley and their remembering ~  Although I was not unique in my place in her life based on the comments that I could have written myself, I know I was a special person and loosing someone who is meaningful in that way hurts.  I have been fortunate that this is one of the first in my life…


A sunset and sunrise (but not a full day) later I can try and count the positives.  She will never be sad or depressed.  She will never wither and get weak.  She will never be a burden or unable.  Instant death should have had no fear and she was on her way to the first day of first ever spontaneous vacation with her husband so she was full of hope and expectation.  I hope she was looking at her husband and then just turned off.


With the grief all around this is a good time to point out the grief diagram.  Remember, grief out and comfort in.  It is hard to NOT put yourself in the center but it is the right thing to do.  Ashley is beyond.  Her husband is the center.  Her husbands children and grandchildren (not technically Ashleys but they were hers) are ring one.  I put her incredibly close friends who were virtually family next and then there are actual blood relations that she saw and I’m sure cared about.  I’m somewhere in ring 3, true friend.  She never had children but there were plenty of people she saw grow up that she kept close to and I count myself in that number.


I think I may compose an Ashley list of things to do in her memory but I know that continuing to be a good mother, sister, wife, daughter and friend are all things she would be mad if I let slip due to sadness.



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