Sorry blog, I cheat on you with Facebook…. Sometimes all I have to say is either really little, or, I need input and Facebook Hive Mind never disappoints.
The question of the day for me was “should my book loving, yet occasional book eating, 2 year old be ‘rewarded’ by giving her back the book she ate enough of that the library does not want it back”
The question was not if I should let her read – she sleeps with books, she loves books, one time we went to the library she INSISTED (in the way only a 2 year old can) that she HAD to bring books with her. Like coals to Newcastle… Anyway I had to think fast because if we left the books home she would scream a lot, if we took the books into the library there would be a 50/50 chance that she would leave them there and I would be fined for not ‘returning’ the book so we asked the librarian to check in the books when we got there BUT she held onto them and we later checked them out again. The librarian was actually tickled that she loved the books so much. She also tends to love the easy readers that Niamh is reading. Maybe it is the size/weight of them or maybe the familiar characters but they are the ones she hoards the most. On the bright side, Niamh can read them to her now. On the bad side they are more flimsy then books intended for 2 year old hands.
So if anyone was wondering, the hive mind and I concluded that;
1. books are good, she should have books
2. If I catch her eating one it goes away (we already do that)
3. She can get the book back in 15 min after repeating that we “only eat food”. Thus the fact that she will forever now have a ‘library’ book means little to her and it isn’t like rewarding a dog that kills a chicken with the chicken.
It does not hurt at all that the books she likes to nibble are $3 each. More than at a yard sale but less than in a store.
Otherwise my blog time got eaten up earlier in the day by random events of parenting. Tonight I got in my workout (finally) and now I am cooling down and I just didn’t want that sad post to have any more time on top. Now on to some tasty dinner!
I have my family!
We picked apples and did a ton of fun things all weekend and even took this picture for Zoe’s ‘homework’. I think I have a family picture every year but last year because of the exact same family project they do first thing. I blame Niamh’s lame teacher for basically doing nothing for my lack of picture from last September. Anyway, that leaves me here on Monday to deal with all the things I avoided all weekend/last week because my mom was visiting.
1. I’m a laundry hoarder. I do laundry very well to the point of putting it away and that is where I stall. I know, just put it away a bit at a time but I keep thinking “I will wait on the next load…” and then I end up with stacks of clean laundry all over my room. Basically Niamh has learned to say good buy to anything that goes in the hamper for a good 2 weeks. Socks are even worse, I wait to pair them until the bitter end and right now I don’t think anyone has any and flip flop season is over. I must face the laundry and conquor.
2. MOMS club had a nasty rental increase on our meeting space. I’m brushing off all my contract and negotiation skills but they tend to only work with people who actually answer the phone or answer emails in under 6 weeks. I truly don’t want to move space but 3x increase is a bit much.
3. MOMs club continued….. the endless feeling that I’m alone in this club. Truly I am not, I have met great people and I have fun with them, but I am getting tired of planning so much! I value all the people that do pitch in but they are as likely to disappear for a few months as be totally rock solid…
4. The Ashley thing – now that I have ‘down time’ my thoughts drift that way, plus, I had to go badger my way through the Melaleuca system to get her off the program. I think I did win that one but I won’t know for sure until tomorrow. The selfish downside is that without her I’m below the minimum so I also have to start looking for a ‘replacement’ person.
5. Kitchen decisions decisions and money. Plus the contractor is super busy and the cabinet lady he saddled us with is …. um… not to my taste. I have a plan I think but it is in a worrying spot right now.
6. My book/letter! I totally forgot about it so I’m a week behind! I know what to write, I have a plan, so just need to do it.
7. Subtraction project; also got a bit forgotten. I’ll work my way through because there were good prompts but I had a busy week.
There are all my woes fit to print. Throw in being on the tired side and seasonal nose drip (related issues) and I just want to hide until someone solves my problems for me. I have a feeling that won’t really happen so I will put in another load, fold and put away, post pleading messages on facebook and steel myself for the deafening silence while figuring out what to do on all the thinking projects.
ps. blessings; Fiona took an awesome nap, the sun and sky are bright, I ran 5mi yesterday and felt strong the whole time, a friend had a baby so I have a reason to bake a pie, and my corner of the world is safe.
To each of us our grief is very real. Yesterday a very good friend I have known for the majority of my life was suddenly and instantly killed. She is survived by her husband, who, already lost one wife to cancer and had to wake up today to know that he has lost his second. Ashley regularly read here and we talked often. She kept in step with my life and I called her my fairy godmother because she kept my happiness as one of her missions. My Facebook is absolutely a flood of people touched by Ashley and their remembering ~ Although I was not unique in my place in her life based on the comments that I could have written myself, I know I was a special person and loosing someone who is meaningful in that way hurts. I have been fortunate that this is one of the first in my life…
A sunset and sunrise (but not a full day) later I can try and count the positives. She will never be sad or depressed. She will never wither and get weak. She will never be a burden or unable. Instant death should have had no fear and she was on her way to the first day of first ever spontaneous vacation with her husband so she was full of hope and expectation. I hope she was looking at her husband and then just turned off.
With the grief all around this is a good time to point out the grief diagram. Remember, grief out and comfort in. It is hard to NOT put yourself in the center but it is the right thing to do. Ashley is beyond. Her husband is the center. Her husbands children and grandchildren (not technically Ashleys but they were hers) are ring one. I put her incredibly close friends who were virtually family next and then there are actual blood relations that she saw and I’m sure cared about. I’m somewhere in ring 3, true friend. She never had children but there were plenty of people she saw grow up that she kept close to and I count myself in that number.
I think I may compose an Ashley list of things to do in her memory but I know that continuing to be a good mother, sister, wife, daughter and friend are all things she would be mad if I let slip due to sadness.
Yesterday, among a disaster of a workout evening, where the pool ended up being closed again and dinner had serious delay, I ended up on the elliptical in my own house. Usually I watch something on netflix but I just didn’t have a ton of energy so I wanted something shorter and the Emma Watson speech for HeForShe was top of my list.
She is a bit younger then me and we have very different lives but we both had the fortune of families that love and challenge us, schools that expected nothing less, and early success in careers that boosted confidence. The speech touches on a ton of good points, it is worth a critical listen, and I especially like that it is an invitation for men too. For men to not just support women, but, to seek equality too. I have bitterly accepted that the ‘I can do it all’ statement is just PART of the statement – it should be more like “I can do it all, one thing at a time” because yes, I can have an amazing career, a family, and a great home plus the perks of a happy life but not all at the exact same time. Technically the same is true for guys too, you just can’t be 100% there for your kids and 100% rockstar at work because nobody gets 200%.
However, the fact that one of my girlfriends stay at home husband is constantly thinking he has no value, and, the annoying chipper Linked IN Email declaring that the guy who ‘replaced’ me at my former job has just been promoted to Purchasing Manager makes me want to hit something. I feel I have value, why doesn’t the stay at home dad? I worked my tail off at work for 5 years before I started to see that I had no future, good to know a guy can walk in and after 2 years be where I was told I would never be. I know things constantly change everywhere and no two situations are the same but it does not stop me from being ticked off. (It does not help that I succumed to the childrens cold so I’m not in the best mood)
I’m not sure how I can support HeForShe but sharing the speech seems like a fair way to start.
I will also try to drop my notion of ‘manly’ behavior because I dislike judgement of ‘womens work’ so to be equal I can’t hold a guy to a standard that may not be at all fair. **This is not to say we should not still be ladies and gentlemen but that is a different statement.
If not me who… if not now when?
This video came up on my facebook feed and oddly it is something that I’ve been thinking about but in the absolute other direction. Since my chest size has reduced over the past few months I can’t help but notice the extra room in the bodice area. I joke I have room in my bra for an emergency evacuation kit now and I have very often used my brastrap as a ‘holster’ for my phone and in times I’ve gone to clubs I’ve kept ID/cards there too to avoid losing a purse. In more recent years I have stored a binky in my bra because I felt my chest is more clean than the random contents in my pocketbook. I can’t be alone in this right?
Looking at the essence of the video I agree that sweaty or gross money is gross, but, I think she is over reacting more than a bit. How is keeping something hooked under a bra strap – touching my skin – much different than keeping something in my hand that is also skin? Another situation that is not actually common to the world but is common to me ~ I will often wear a tight shirt or fitted bodice that has a tight band AND then under that a bra and I’ll hold something between the bodice and the bra, how does that work in her world? Sometimes there is even a third layer in there… better or still ‘disgusting and cringe worthy’? It is about the same as a pocket in pants since pocket material is not sweat proof either…. I will often choose a pocket if I have one but not always. Far too often I’ve put an important number or card into a pocket and forgotten about it and washed it but I don’t forget things in my bra – it is basically the most secure part of my body!
Bottom line money isn’t clean in general, but, you should not give someone sweaty money if you can help it. If you sweat, don’t put money etc there. If you’re not sweaty, skin is not innately disgusting and if that is your stance on things I am very sorry for you. I’m sure she is getting oodles of attention and agreement from this dramatic statement but I respectfully disagree~
Much Love ~
Mom with two hands full constantly, pants with no pockets, who needs a secure spot for a phone or I’ll lose it and never hear it ring