Hope you didn’t google and get here by accident… I use the term ‘lady date’ to mean I’m seeing one of my platonic female friends, but, since I’m not dating men and going out on a ‘date’ with my husband is a logistic/scheduling nightmare I am glad that I am happy with lady dates.
Yesterday was a blah day – I was tired it was gray, I got done what I had to do but it was a blah blah day. Until the later afternoon when a friend came over! Lady Date! She and her son visit for dinner on Wednesdays so they can go to swim lessons on time in town. It works for us both, we chat for an hour and a half while feeding kids and then they are off to swim and I toss mine in the bath then books and bed and the day is over. I have a long standing lady date on Friday where we all go to a friends house while the husbands work out and we don’t do anything special other than sit and talk and mind the children and feed them. Since it is Friday we are less strict about bedtime so as long as all the kids are happy we can hang out. The Mom’s club is my other source of lady dates because we are all moms and our current schedule has us meeting up at least 2x a week. It is a rotating cast but I like everyone so it is great to go somewhere and spend time with a friend while the kids do the kid thing. I do like my solo-wednesday but by the end of the day I’m lonely – that is what happens after absolute constant company for years straight. I’m so glad we had those two nice days, I was able to get out and get great pictures for Zoe’s invite and I’m pretty happy with these ones;
It might be silly but I really like hanging out for an hour or so with another adult woman at a similar spot in life. I am comforted by the similarities and we brainstorm solutions and we give each other hope that this phase will end eventually. It is a part of life I was definitely missing when I was working. I had work friends but we were seldom in the same life place and anytime I was overly chatty I started getting odd looks. The other thing at work was 90% of my coworkers were men so even when we had very similar spots in life – like my cube neighbor who (‘s wife) had kids at the same times I did is in the same spot but he sees the dad side. Don’t get me wrong, I loved to hear the dad side of life, it was a great perspective to get, but it isn’t quite the same. For years I would make Lars go shopping with me because in some ways for years he was my only local friends. Now I have a dozen! Some weeks I even get over busy and have to schedule in times for the ‘house’ part of house wife – thats why I say I’m a stay at home mom, not a housewife, if I was a housewife the house would come first.
Today is the same gray blah and I got woken up in the middle of the night and I was up at 6 but I’m working on a new exercise thing where I do 5-10min first thing and remember to actually take my vitamins and that, plus a nice lady date today I feel pretty good. This afternoon I MUST get invites from the printer and thankyou notes done but otherwise it is a nice clear evening. With that I must go – time to do some other things with my naptime but happy thursday to everyone out there, not long til saturday 🙂
I was wondering what to write about today… Easter? Weekend? Excitement that there is liquid not solid water in our lake? And then my friend Stacy sent me this article and I knew I had to say “Me Too” long and loud.
When I was pregnant with my third girl not a day went by when I was somewhere (outside my home) that someone didn’t ask me if we were going to try again for a boy. Why are boys prized more? If I had gotten a boy I would have been equally happy, seriously, equally happy. Yes, there is a vague thought about the ‘continuation of the name’ thing and ‘what if I’m missing some boy experience’ feeling but that is balanced by if I had a boy I would have been worried about equally valid things like “he won’t have a brother growing up” and “How will I handle all the differences and being fair and equal but not setting him up to be teased because he wears nail polish”
Now that I tote around 3 girls I still get people asking me. NO! a forth child, regardless of gender, is not going to happen! Do I look like a need a 4th child? Are YOU offering to babysit?
Here is my favorite reply;
Stranger; “are you going to try for a boy? or Are you disappointed you didn’t have a boy?
Me; “Nope, I like my girls and I’m fairly confidant that I’ll end up with 3 boys in about 18-20 years, boys that someone else had to feed ;)”
The author of the article does leave off the ‘family name’ thing but I think there is some freedom in naming your daughter anything you want and not worrying about it perfectly matching your last name. I know some girls with awesome maiden names combos (like Kristen Kelly or Kellyann O’Callahan) that I bet feel bad giving them up and I’m happy that having a ‘strong’ ‘confidant’ sounding name for all time was not one of the many things I had to worry over. **aside** I still vaguely worry about Niamh’s initials – she nearly had an F middle name but then she would have been NFL – glad my neurotic check and double check got that one.
One thing the author didn’t talk about was about how same gender siblings have built in friends, but, his point was that the list of what he can’t do because of only daughters is laughably short. While pregnant, I talked to every single person who would talk to me, and since they usually opened with the ‘didn’t you want….’ I had a great opening for my follow up. I asked if they had brothers or sisters. 9 times out of 10 they would say they had an opposite gender sibling and they always wished for a brother or sister growing up. That is, if they had siblings and 10 of 10 times if they were only children they wished they had someone! There was maybe 2 people I recall that said they were the only girl in a family of boys and loved it, but, they said they loved it because they were practically a boy themselves. I would say here that those parents might have been like “oh, well, a girl… girls can do what boys do, lets keep rolling like we have been”. And finally, those with same gender siblings usually said they were happy with it. Admittedly this is a non scientific study, done mostly at playgrounds or other places adults stand around while kids do the kid thing. However, my non scientific conclusion is that families with a 1 boy 1 girl family might have good symmetry but they do not seem to produce kids who grow up thinking that their one, opposite gender, sibling was their BFF. Go ahead and ask around – I would love more data!
Before this gets long, the big stink in the article about ‘girl toy and boy toy’ at McDonalds (in the comments mostly) is another thing that I’m glad I got girls not boys. Girls, can easily, take any boy thing and make it theirs without anyone batting an eye. Boys can’t. I remember being young and shopping and seeing the racks and racks of girl clothing and the one sad rack in the corner for boys. I would like to say that if I had a boy I would not put him in his sisters clothing. Technically speaking at this point I am sure I wouldn’t because after 3 kids the pickings are getting slim…. Anyway, clothing is something I am not sure I could go totally against society HOWEVER TOYS DON’T HAVE GENDER. That I feel strongly enough for all caps. Boys like dolls, shopping carts, play food too. Branding makes parents feel better. At some point boys and girls will naturally often start mimicking the gender roles they see around them (I could find the many studies that say this but I don’t feel like googling). Regardless, people still try and take away ‘girl’ toys from boys and WOW am I glad I don’t have to deal with that in my life. There are studies too that say women still earn less… still end up having the glass ceiling smack them in the face… still are judged on their clothing and weight and looks before their brains. Those are things I’m sorry to say I know to be true as of 2014 and I’ll help my girls when and where I can, and I’m glad they will have sisters to talk to about it….
Finally; outside weather. Fiona wants nothing more than to be outside full time and given that the majority of her memory she has been inside or outside cold I can see her point. Zoe refused to wear pants and Niamh left her snow pants home with glee. Yesterday was a perfect easter day with outside egg hunting and then playing kids. I still miss my huge family but we did ok. Church was still a challenge because 1.5h of being squished and quiet is not in their wheelhouse but on the plus side we thoroughly amused the people behind us whose kids are now 8, 10 and 13 and their mom said they are less fun now…
We are back to a normal week here with laundry chugging in the background and bread already baked for the week. Now that the sand table is out there is more sweeping to be done but far less toy pickup other places. The crazy week with travel plus catch up, a weekend with a race, then an event in the same day and to cap it off a holiday I’m looking forward to a mellow few days before we start all over. The next big thing is the WEDDING and Zoe’s Birthday but I’m still finishing thankyou cards from Niamh’s birthday that there is not a ton of breathing room. Thank goodness for little girls that want to play outside and I get to sit in the shade and watch and take a break from the to-do list. Bubbles are high on the agenda for outside time…
Finally I can’t really publish something without mentioning an epic personality of Northshield passing away. For a few weeks I’ve seen posts alluding to someones failing health and I could not figure out who since nothing was linked etc. A few days ago someone finally did link and I was very sorry to see that it is a person I really like and wish I could have known better. He passed on last night and I happened to be online as the news hit and the waves of sadness and celebration-of-his-life started to roll in then dominate my feed. By morning it completely filled my entire feed. I added my two cents and I hope his wife is comforted by the tons of stories that are full of fun and joy and courtesy. He was the rakish devil type BUT you would never suspect it since he was just so understated – either that or his friends were just really and truly over the top (they are btw). With any death one examines what you would do in that situation and as the deaths get closer in age, closer in geography, it is harder to ignore. Someday it will be someone even closer and I’m not looking forward to that day. Facebook is a blessing because I get to keep in contact with hundreds of people I wouldn’t see on a day-to-day basis but it also means I have 300x more chance for one of them to become sick and die. Is it better to find out ages after or right away?
I know not knowing does not change a thing so I prefer to know right away. A tiny part of me worries about the people I’ve lost touch with over the years because even with the best of networking you can’t keep track of everyone. Given the day of easter for me started by wondering what it would be like to lose a child and have them rise again and ended with me putting myself in the shoes of a woman who just lost a husband I am glad that today is the laundry and baking and bubbles of a regular Monday. I hope yours is as good.
Typed lovingly with my thumbs
Of ficial time not as great as I thought: 24:30, but, I was 22nd in my age and 277th overall and 116th in females. There were over 5000 runners! It was a super smooth event and I’m glad I did it.