Archive | February 7, 2014

Hard things

Why do hard things collect themselves to create one noxious day?  I’m sure it is less a conspiracy then my ability to ‘deal’ starts to slip and the pile seems higher, steeper and darker than on a regular day. (I’m so happy that a regular day for me is a positive in control day, I know for some people that is an elusive ‘good day’)

 

My woes seem easier to overcome on paper so here they are;

 

Fiona has a cold.  It is the chest wracking hacking cough that I know there isn’t much to do about other than keep her fed and rested.  It does make her a scream box though and that is just not cool.

 

See point #1, my sleep has been scant….  This always is my personal path to madness.

 

Conspiracy style, Zoe has required my presence the last two nights at 3am.  So yesterday I was achy from being squeezed off the bed most of the night and today I’m just tired from arguing at 3am and putting her back in her bed to have her reappear at 3:15 and I made her sleep on my bedside rug (it is an awesome fluffy sheep skin).

 

See point #1 again, we did not get out to the gym per usual today so I’m down a workout.

 

I have a to-do list that is so long I had to write it out to not forget something.

 

See point #1 AGAIN we are not going to our normal Friday social thing so I’m devoid of adult conversation for the day.

 

And finally, I just wrote a big check I didn’t want to have to write to a person who is basically only calling for money.  I call this ‘go away’ money…  I did make the person make actual steps toward getting out of the situation with an apt with a social worker in town (who I called first) and a job interview.  This alone would suck but on top of being tired and harassed and lonely I now get to feel all this too.  I can’t quite describe why I feel bad because of this but I do.

 

I gave myself 20min to wallow and instead of crying in the closet I wrote this instead.

 

Blessings of this second; Fiona is asleep, I have plenty of food to make myself lunch, Zoe is happy watching an educational show, and I have plenty of positive things on my to-do list too.  Since we are not going out tonight I’ll have more time for the list and a nice early bedtime should put me right for tomorrow.  Tomorrow I am going to a fun event and I will see many adults who will talk to me and I will see a friend or two get an award they totally disserve.  On top of this list I can always count on the husband, our life is good, and doing the things will make them done.