all good things must
Proof you can never tell the internet good things.
Today it happened. Fiona really really made it impossible for me to work out and we had to leave. It was not that she was doing anything bad really, she was being an active toddler. Her worst offence was that she was picking up other peoples water-bottles but the other people working out don’t need to have my baby running off with their things. They also should not have to watch her or watch out for her. There have been kids that run all over and the mom seemed oblivious (and maybe I do too to others) but until recently Fiona had been contained by Dan who personally held her the whole time.
I don’t know if our month away did it, or, that another younger baby is now in Dan’s arms or she is just a bit old for Dan to keep contained but Dan watch is over. She is (and always was) my responsibility to keep safe and running loose she is not safe there anymore. I have nightmares about her dashing out the door and to the cement stairs or finding something toxic on the floor to chew on. She could drop a weight on herself or her face or her teeny precious teeth (even if she is a biter). Nightmare scenarios aside, it isn’t fair to her to just be expected to stay safe and not roam around at 1.5 years old.
I left practically in tears because I know this is ‘it’ for workouts on Monday and Wednesday with Fiona. It isn’t just the loss of the physical activity, I’m also going to miss the social interaction. I walked in today and knew half the ladies there and even hugged someone I had not seen in a while. It is the place where I can ask a question and someone knows and it is the place of endless life stories.
I know I could tough it out but I don’t get a good workout straining and craning my neck looking for her. Conversely
I don’t really get a good workout holding her the entire time. One of the other things I loved about the workout was the time I got to spend talking to people and that is totally shot when I’m focused on keeping an eye on Fiona, ready with the saving mama- eagle swoop save.
Like I told Niamh about leaving preschool friends, don’t be sad it is over, be glad that it happened. I am extremely fortunate that for nearly a year 2x a week I got to exercise, talk to a nice person, all while having my baby hugged. I need to look for other options but I’m taking today to be a bit sad. If we put Fiona in daycare in January I’ll be back but it is hard to count on the future too much so I’ll just focus on what to do on Wednesday.