What trumps, birthday or deathday?
What a title…. But, it has been on my mind this week as this is the one year anniversary of Lars’s mom’s rather sudden death. For me, the 26/ 27th of January will stand out as more ‘her day’ then her birthday in my mind but is that right? Do we still mark her birthday? Is it morbid to mark her death day? Her birthday was never a big happening in our world, I have a calendar reminder so I would remind Lars to call but that was about it.
On the spooky side of things, her favorite animal was an Owl. She just loved them and collected them and so when I see owl’s I’m reminded of her. We happen to have two stuffed owl’s, one was a gift to Niamh from and SCA friend and the other I’m not positive how it came to our house, anyway both were pulled out of general obscurity my Niamh last week for “O” show and tell and Zoe has fallen in love with them. She hauls them around everywhere and must sleep with both and her most used phrases for the past few days have been “my owl” or “where my owl?”. My rational mind says she is 1.5 and gets fixated on things, the part of me that believes there is more to the world than what we see wonders if Oma is whispering to Zoe. To comfort Lars I told him we should ask his mom to watch Zoe specially since they never got to meet and as of the day we said that Zoe has been a more sound sleeper then Niamh ever was. Coincidence again but after a few coincidences you start to see a pattern.
I’m not sure what to do today on the subject other than post this. I don’t want to make Lars sad and he isn’t all the close with his siblings either so I don’t want to nose in on their process. What I can do is take a cute picture of Zoe and remember my MiL fondly. I don’t know the answer to my subject question but in this case I’ll be remembering her most on this anniversary.
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2 Responses to “What trumps, birthday or deathday?”
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Coincidence or a sign or wishful thinking. I personally think of your examples as signs for special people because it makes me feel good. So owls for Zoe is your MIL’s way of staying close. If it works for you, perfect! If not, come up with something else. I too tend to somewhat have mixed feelings about birthdays and death days. Both my parents died within a couple of weeks after their birthdays, so the days all run together anyway.
Some years I send my Mom a card on my brother’s B-day, some years on the anniversary of his death. They both have signifcance and I don’t think there is a wrong answer for which means more to you. And it can change. Either way sorry for your loss.